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Oh yeah !!!

i got into medical school. Be it one of the less prestigious ones but still. i'm proud of myself. i know people say pride is one of those things you should try to eliminate....but i'm seriously proud of myself for a little bit and i'm not gonna feel bad about it.

Nothing has changed really, school is still oppressive but it all feels different now. It feels like i'm not a complete failure. It's put that kick back in my step that's been severly lacking this whole semester. Ever since i realized that 1) i might not get into medical school and 2) that meant i had to get some other job at least for a year. Now i don't have to worry about that....It's nice because that's what i've been worrying most about all semester. NOW i can finally hunker down and get to work on this whole school thing.

In other news i've been wearing my collar the last two nights to bed. That might be a little creepy...but whatever. You realize i walked out of Your appt, all the way to my car and was halfway to ATL before i even realized i still had it on last Sat....must have been some confused drivers/neighboors. i'm a little embarrassed but whatevs.

Anyways, i should get back to working on this paper due tomorrow. i just wanted to give You an update and let You know that i'm still alive and back to kicking :)

ooh i really like this bondage pic of the day:

Simple and elegant. i was struck by how much she looks like just a body here. Just a human body lying calmly waiting to be asked to perform some task. How peaceful that must be. Lovely.


Okay, so i really want to clarify my point that people "take themselves to seriously". By this i meant that many submissives and Dom/mes on the interwebs assert that their kink is the ONLY and BEST kind. That somehow they have all the knowledge there is to have about what BDSM is/should mean and that everyone should cower before them and beg for their information/"experience".
i'm sorry but Wwe're all in this becuase Wwe like to do things a little bit away from the norm, Wwe all want to be accepted and allowed to practice what makes us happy. But what makes everyone happy isn't the same thing. For instance i was talking to someone recently who informed me that i shouldn't be in this relationship because You're so much older than me. Or i've heard people say that trans people are freaks, etc. i'm sorry Wwe're all a little bit freaky...that's what's so fun. i'm worried that people are so judgemental of each other.
i guess i just thought that when i finally found people who have similar sexual proclivities (okay maybe we're not all that similar but go with me here) that they would all be open and accepting and laissez-faire about what sexuality is and how it can be expressed. With my statement "people take themselves so seriously" i was just trying to voice my frustration at my naivete and at the lack of acceptance of variation in the forums (esp. fetlife...omg fetlife.)

That is all. Sorry if that was all confusing and ranty...but i just have been worried You thought i was judging You and that's not it at all.

In other news. i have my first resume ever (it's a scary thing this real world job search). i haven't heard about medical school, and i'm having a serious quarterlife crisis....but that's for another post i'm sure.

bondage pic of the day.

that take some balls. p.s. see aren't tattoos really cute? You know You want me to get one ;)
sometimes i hate being a woman. i mean mostly i love the whole wearing dresses and sassing it up and feeling gorgeous bit (i mean girls are just made to be alluring aren't they).

but today i hate my ovaries....everything about them makes me want to throw up.

Mar. 20th, 2009

today was a no good very bad day.

1. i learned that the paper topic which i proposed for my grant proposal class has already been done, so i have to develop a completely new topic in the next few days and write background for it and a methods section. (basically i have to start from scratch on a really big important project)
2. i broke down crying in front of the person who told me this (he talked about my future...and after that news i just couldn't hold it together).
3. i then couldn't stop crying the whole day through (well in fits and starts...but mostly the whole day through)
4. doctors offices are completely incompetant and i have to DO their work for them.....ARGH
5. i officially have been exposed to the herpes virus (II if that matters) so i'm screwed for the rest of my life.  (i'm realizing first hand the stigma that STIs carry with them)

basically i wanted to curl up in a ball and cease to exist. So i decided it was time to call the counselling center and be like....."hey dudes....i NEED to talk to someone" which i did
6. The first counselling appointment is for the 30 (the monday after next....not very helpful)
7. A good family friend (who recenty got diagnosed with cancer, learned the chemo hasn't worked (last week) and slipped into a coma today.
7. i can't curl up in a ball and just cease to exist because i have to freakin start from scratch on a big project......and the cycle continues.

On the plus side it was beautiful out today (i basked in the sun for about 15 minutes for a repreive...best 15 mins of my day
what i'm craving right now....right in this exact moment. Not that it matters...but if You'd like to know. here it is. i'm craving a really intense scene with lots of pain, tight bondage and very little if any sexual contact. By a true sadist who just stands there laughing at my cries and tears etc. (is that bad?*shrug*)i know that at this moment a scene of this kind would probably drive me bonkers, but i really want to see how much deeper i can go.

Okay so here's the thing. After an orgasm i'm useless (i mean You've seen this). i would probably do just about anything You wanted but that only would last for like 20 minutes. Then i'd be doing it and think "wtf...i want to be fucked again damn it.


during the pain. i don't know...it's different. i mean i'm turned on, but i'm not reaching for orgasm i'm just sexual and...i, at least feel, very submissive in that moment. Like i'm trusting You the most i can trust anyone. i trust that You'll take me somewhere cool and get what You need but that i have to trust You to not do anything to damage me. i have to trust that You care about me enough to not do anything of that kind. That's what i love about the pain most of all i think. i mean the sensation is sometimes nice and the hearing-the-paddle-hit-my-butt-while-i-couldn't-feel-it was fun; but the best part is afterwards when i can think about all this and feel that much closer to You.

that's my two cents.

p.s. i have listed 5 questions about the new "toy" below...You can answer them if you liked the post :)

1. is it intended for use on the female genitalia?
Can it be used to inflict pain?
3. Is it electric?
4. Does it have leather/wood/pleather anywhere in it's structure?
5. Are You going to have a lot of fun with it?
p.s. clearly i should do less pchem...i've posted twice and written two emails today (sorry if i'm seeming clingy that's not it...i'm just crazy mad about this problem set).

much love.

nothing to report

i'm feeling the stress again (boo). B is completely worthless when it comes to this part of our friendship. My complaints are petty and i completely understand this fact but sometimes it really does get on my nerves. One she's taking 3.5 classes this year, but continually complains that she has too much to do?! i'm currently enrolled in 4.5 classes, taking Swahili (which is at least another .5) and seeing You almost every Sat (which should count for .25 or .5). That comes to a total of 5.25-5.5 classes. A full 2 classes more than her. GRRRRRRR. Then she doesn't listen to me when i tell her that i have to work (instead of doing something fun together). sometimes i want to strangle her for that. But then i remember she's a really good friend and i love her...and well the "sex" is too good (it's a joke no worries, she's still pure).

Also she never completes homework/assignments on time and then when i've completed them she takes my answers and uses them as her own. Now usually i'm fine with this exchange. i mean we all help each other out. i don't get something: she helps me. she doesn't get something: i help her. But recently it's all her taking my answers/work, and it's starting to get annoying. Like i have soooo much more work that her and STILL she's taking MY answers?!

GRRR. Okay, i'm sorry that you had to read my silly college student rant...but i needed a place to put this and get it off my chest for a second. Now i will go and work on Physical Chemistry.

much love.

p.s. You sure i can't ask even a few questions about next week???? Just one or two? (insert cute smile)
......i already know the answer....but i figured i should give You a little bit of a hard time for keeping a girl in the dark. (it's pretty pitch black over here).

bondage pic :

hehe. she's strung up like a hammock :) How is this possible? Did physics cease to exist for just a moment so they could get this pic?

Day 3 of the awesomesauce roadtrip

Today we toured B's old high school. She went to a prep school which has been around as long as dirt so it was really impressive. They have a dinning hall that seriously could have been in a Harry Potter movie..it's that detailed. i find it really hilarious that they had "tea" with the headmaster's wife and coffee with the faculty..it's so old world and stogie i feel.

They have :
2 indoor basketball courts,
1 indoor swimming pool
10 academic buildings with gothic architecture (very impressive)
a performing arts center

when compared to my public high school it's impressive that i ever got into college let alone the same one as a person who attended this prep school.

Then we went to valley Forge where apparently something historic and important took place (we just drove through...but the wood houses were cool...and there was a mini arch de triumph thingy)

then to some "huge" mall which was decidedly less impressive than the talk that surrounded it. But i got to sit down and read about Africa ("I wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families") so it was a good mall for that reason. It also contained a starbucks and therefore fed my caffeine addiction which made it all the more acceptable.

That is all...tomorrow is Amish country so should be more fun things. (we're going on a house tour :))))))

Love Ya Sir.

yeah i'm out

i have nothing really to write today. i'm interested in knowing what my surprise will be. 

good ideas:
1. a beautiful tasty morsal of pussy :)
2. some new implement that i have no acquaintance with as of yet
3. a feild trip
4. another cock? (W)
5. shaving (omg that would be AMAZING..it's getting knarly down there)
6. anal...well that's less of a surprise than something still pretty new
7. it's electric?

bad ideas:
1. staples...seriously?
2. cold showers (oh they make me mad..i love my showers scalding)
3. corner time
4. more hickies (You dirty old man)

i mean i know there's no point in really guessing because the purpose is that i don't know what it is. But i'm having fun running through scenarios in my mind. Granted they are getting really fanciful..(Marilyn fanciful) but it's all in good fun.

Miss You!!!!

Nothing exciting happened today. i read one exciting article by Mistress Matisse (thus the staples comment) about being a sadist and the feelings she has for her [subjects?]. She's a pro-domme, which dynamic i don't really understand, but she has a really interesting blog sometimes.

Anyways...night time is the right time...........................for studying Pchem. (grrrrr)

not so bondage picture of the day:
You decide if this is a good idea or a bad one....

yes she's barried in some kind of dirt....goodness i hope she got a shower after this.


Omg so i decided that what i'm doing for Lent (even though i don't consider myself Christian anymore) is to give up sweets. That means anything which processed sugars. No more brownies (tear), and no more Coca-Cola. Omg i never realized how much of these things i really eat. It's kind of disheartening how hard it's been for me today to control my craving to just go out and drink a bathtub full of Coke products.

In other news M2 and i have been facebook messaging. It's really nice to know that there's someone else out there going through similar quarter life crisis type experiences. He's having a lot of relationship problems and "omg i have a job and have to be responsible" problems. Which are similar in mind fuck-i-ness to my current "i don't want to do work" shit. (cursing was one of the things people told me to give up for Lent...but i LOVE cursing too much).  i really enjoy his conversation etc, that i can be completely open with him and not fear judgements and he's completely open and honest with me as well (and he asks for my advise/takes it seriously).

Pchem test on Friday (wish me luck). i still have absolutely no idea about transition state theory. i think it's all just a horrible math problem professors made up just so that their students would feel stupid.

bondage picture of the day.

wow! she has really nice legs. p.s. lolz at the caught in mid-cartwheel position. Although i'm fairly sure that look on her face is because she feels her elbow is about to fall off from the pain. *shrug* i think it's worth it for the beauty of the position, but i have the luxury of the onlookers comfy chair perspective.

mere ponderings

i was thinking today about what my ideal morning would entail.  So here's a try.

i wake up in some strange bed that i have never slept in before (i always sleep better in a new place than in my own bed) wedged in between two people big spoon little spoon style. i go for a long run in a crisp but not cold morning air. Come back to make breakfast for my other two companions who are awake now. But i hate almost all breakfast foods so i'll just have a bowl of fruit or something. Then some sexy times (doesn't matter what they are as long as we all get off and it's good (it's just a warm up for the rest of the day...) Then a burning hot shower and time to apply makeup (there doesn't ever seem to be that time)

A nice coffee and newspaper read and then conversation about what we've read. A really nice number 2 (yes i know it's gross...but have you ever had a really nice on in the morning...it's AMAZING....i could write an entire post just on that...but i'll spare You).

Then off to work for the whole feeling like a productive member of society thing. ....i haven't decided what the later parts of the day would involve. But i really believe that if i could look forward to all those things in the morning i would have absolutely no trouble getting up and getting through the early mornings. As it is i generally barely have the time to read the front section of the NYT every day (btw, interesting story in today's science section about surgeries in Tanzania).

So is life i suppose. Not everything can be the ideal.

bondage? pic of the day.
is that even a bondage picture? She looks like a Copellia doll...put on a pedestal (sp) and everything.